I Miss You Jeni So Much

Today is a very sad day for me.  I spent my morning crying over my loss when I know so many others feel the same as I do.  We are selfishly mourning when she is sitting at the feet of Jesus.   A beautiful soul was called to home.   Like so many others, this world is now colder and harsher without her gorgeous face to brighten it.   During my darkest hour, she was a true friend.  During my divorce, so many people were running from me and Jeni came running to me.  She wanted to take a baseball bat to my ex-husband for all the hell that he put me through.  She even got revenge for me.  I laugh about it now but she was the friend who would get arrested with you.  She was the friend who helped plot to get even with those who hurt her friends.  I never told her how much I loved her.  I never told her that when she went after my ex that she made me feel better and made me feel loved. 



I will always remember her Sunday morning message that "Thou Shall Not Text in Church."  She was a voice for so many people.  The adoption reform movement adored her.  People with disabilities loved her strong voice.  The Gay Rights Movement even lost a warm loving heart and voice with her with her passing.  The homeless and animal shelters lost a valuable volunteer.

I met her years ago now online.  She was a crazy mess just like every adoptee who decides to search.  She was also very wounded at the rejection by her birth mother.  Every post and comment as time progressed became calmer, loving, compassionate and so kind.   She was humble, funny, outrageous and so larger than life. 

So many people pass judgment on people like her and subsequently me.  What they don't know is that she not only talked the talk but she WALKED it.  She was always the first person to help someone in need.  She was always offering suggestions to help a homeless animal or human being.  She is the main reason why I will give money to someone begging on the streets.  She is the reason why I enjoy Caring for Katy so much. She motivated people to help others. She wasn't afraid to get down and dirty to help those in need.

Like me, her birth mother denied contact.  She was a soul sister who I did have to explain or apologize for my angry and painful feelings about my birth parents.  She got it.  She stepped up and fought for adoptees around the world.  She could have been like so many others who just gave up ( I am an example of that).  She pushed forward with love, grace, and beauty. 

Although it is God's gain, it is a horrible loss for those of us left behind without her. She doesn't have to sit at God's feet but dance with peaceful joy. 

I miss you and I love you. 

BOYCOTT TROY DUNN, THE LOCATOR

There is a great new Facebook page to help show your support of Dusten and his daughter, Veronica and is called the Boycott Troy the Locator.  I am asking fellow adoptees and their families to join in.  Dusten and Veronica live in a part of Oklahoma that I called home for several years.  I worked in Bartlesville, Oklahoma for Dr. Vernon Newby and for the USPS as a letter carrier.  It is one area of this country that I do call home.  I got to witness a Cherokee Powwow and another one in Dewey, Oklahoma.  I have been a huge fan of the Indian Nations for many years as the names of my daughters will attest to. 

Troy Dunn known as the Locator has for years profited off the backs of adoptees and first parents alike for many years.  Adoption is not an easy trip for us in the first place but you add a mixture of drama and theater provided by Troy Dunn.  Wallah!!!!  A match is made for a television show.  I haven't watched the Locator in years so I don't even know if it is still on. 

Troy Dunn attempted to come onto the Cherokee reservation outside of a tribal school.  He brought with him a bunch of television cameras.  This situation between the Capobiancos and the Browns is heart wrenching enough without adding a television character to the mix.  Troy you do not speak for adoptees and first parents.  You do not speak for the Native American Nations.  It is time that you go back to that whole in the wall and stay there. 

By the way, Jeff Dunham is so much cuter and sexier than you.  He is a hellacious comic.  He sure as hell doesn't use people.

Adoption Sucks

I did something recently that I feel now was a foolish mistake on my part.  I signed up with another confidential intermediary.  I really feel bad for the confidential intermediary.  She was so excited and enthusiastic about my search.  As I stuck my throat yet again, it was slashed viciously by the two people who created me.  Right now I am doing everything to stop the bleeding because I do not want to do this again.  I don't want to spend years being depressed over this mess.  It is just not worth it.

Back in 2006, I hired the agency CI to do my search.  I was starting a new job when I began this rollercoaster styled roadtrip.  This is what the birthmother said:

She has been raised by another family all of her life.I always wondered if I would get a call like this some day.I have a family and they don't know.Its not a lack of concern. What I did was the best thing I could do.There's no reason to tear my family apart. I don't think its selfish of me.I have to think about my family.My husband knows but my kids don't. But we have never talked about it over the years.I just don't think its a good idea. She's old enough now and mature enough to deal with this. She has her own family. She has a good family.As much as my curiosity is peaked, this would be too disruptive. I don't want to have to tell my kids.This girl already has parents.My youngest son is an athlete and a medical student. He was a valedictorian. Both my boys are extremely intelligent.I'm glad she is doing well. I think I did the right thing.I always wonder, I always think about her. It is not a lack of concern. But i have to balance that with concern for my kids and how this would affect them. My husband would have a fit.She has a family. Biology is just an accident. I don't think this is a good idea.I guess I could talk to my husband about this. No, I'm not doing this. I am not going to open all of this up.MEDICAL:Her dad died at age 82 from pneumonia.Her mom is still alive but suffers from kidney failure as a result of her arthritis medicine. She also has high blood pressure.Birthmother has high cholesterol and takes meds for it. She began taking the meds in 1999.Her sibs and her children are all in good health.

HER CALL BACK TO THE AGENCY:

Birthmom called again. She said:How confidential is all of this. Is she going to come knocking on my door?This is just too painful. This was 40 years ago, excuse me!Its too late. I thought about getting her letter but it is just too painful.It was painful to begin with. It took me 3-4 years to get my life straightened back out. It was not a fun experience. I don't want to revisit it.I'm sad in a way. I am not being calloused.It would be too difficult to bring her into my life. It would be too painful to my family. They might accept it but why even go through all of that?It would bring a lot of grief.I never heard from the father ever again. He never paid any of my expenses. He took advantage of me and then walked away. I was a big fool. I know he wanted to raise the baby but that would have never worked out. He lived in the same town as my parents. I think he is probably dead. I tried looking for him once and couldn't find him. He must be dead.My parents were always concerned with their public image, not their private one.My dad was a terrible man. He was selfish and evil and did things I can't even talk about. My husband doesn't even want our sons to know what he did. He was physically abusive and other things.My mom was a mouse around my dad. My mom believed every word he said and he never had anything good to say about any of us.I have only been able to put all of that behind me since my dad died and now this has dredged all of this new stuff up.I do her housework, yard work, and get her to the doctors. We have to go to the cemetery 6 times a year. I choke on it, but I go. She lives alone. My brothers want her to be able to stay out of a nursing home as long as possible.I'm deciding I am not going to do this and I won't change my mind. Curiosity is not good enough reason to tear my family apart. What would be the point of me getting that letter except to make me cry.I did the right thing. I couldn't take care of a baby and my folks would not help me.I can't think of any more medical information for her. There are no genetic disorders. My mom has osteoporosis, but I don't. But, I exercise and eat right to stay healthy. I am allergic to cats and seafood.Tell her I am sorry. I am glad she's fine but I can't do this.I should hang up, I'm rambling.My biggest concern right now is can I keep this out of my life. How can I be sure she won't hire a private investigator and show up some day. I don't want to tell the boys. I know they are her half brothers but I am not going to tell them. I haven't told my husband that you called. I am not going to. I don't need to turn their lives upside down. I could give them a choice but they don't need to have this choice. They don't need to know every mistake their mother has made. They think I am this good person.I just wanted to make sure that this would stay private. I don't want to have to sit my husband down and say this girl has found me.It is a comfort to know she is okay.There wasn't anything else I could do. My parents kicked all of us out of the house at one time or another. I was on a real downer back then. I don't know what I was thinking. I dropped out of college.I have a lot of baggage and I don't want to deal with it. My dad did horrible things. That I can't talk about. I don't want to dredge this all up. Since dad has been dead I have shut the door on it. I have been a nervous wreck since you called me.

This Adoptee Supports Dusten and Veronica Brown

I believe that Veronica should be allowed to stay with her father.  As an adoptee who had a father who wanted her, first families should always be given the choice of placement. To me, Matt and Melanie Capobianco have no standing in this case. I have been following the stories concerning this issue on Indian Country Today.  I also follow this news story because I lived in Nowata on Rural Route One.  I also worked at the Bartlesville Post Office.  My second daughter was born in Bartlesville.  I attended several Pow Wows up in the Dewey area along with a Cherokee PowWow.  I am in awe of the celebration of the Cherokee Nation in the area.  I respect the history and culture of the Cherokee Nation along with many other Native American nations in Oklahoma and other states. I am now the wife of man who has Blackfoot Native American history.  My personal opinions aside, this story has so many different elements and characters that it is mind boggling.

Nightlight Christian Adoption Services

This adoption agency has a crazy history that is associated with the darker side of adoption history.  This agency is the one that former President Bush lavishes his thanks upon.  They are involved in embryo adoptions also known as Snowflake Adoptions.  They are involved in embryo adoptions, international adoption, domestic adoption, and foster care adoption.  They earned a little over two million dollars.  They claim to be associated with A Helping Hand Adoption Agency.  They actually own the agency.  Ronald Stoddart is the president of Nightlight Christian adoption services while he is on the board of A Helping Hand Adoption Services.  A Helping Hand is their international adoption office.  They are a big promoter of Orphan Sunday.  They even have their own version--Orphan Galaxy.  They claim to help rescue children from child trafficking situations.  Adoption in itself is a form of child trafficking.  This agency works in Cambodia but sadly, the United States has banned all adoptions from that country.  They work in Nicargua, Aftrica (specifically Uganda),  China, Russia, and other Eastern European countries.  Ronald Stoddard also has his own law practice, Schmiesing, Blied, Stoddard and Mackey.  You can read much more here at Pound Pup Legacy.

Paul Clement

The attorney for the Copobiancos and the child advocate (hired by the Capobiancos) is none other than Paul Clement.  He was hired by the House of Representatives to defend the Defense of Marriage Act in April of 2011. Our House of Representatives spent 2.3 million dollars to defend this act which was recently overturned by the Supreme Court. He continued to defend the act even after the Department of Justice withdrew from the case.  He resigned from King and Spaulding to continue fighting for DOMA. He now works for Bankcroft PLLC.  He has appeared more before the Supreme Court than any other attorney since 2000.   He is the former Solicitor General of the United States.  He is currently a Georgetown Law Professor as well as an Adjunct Professor at NYU School of Law. He clerked for Judge Antonin Scalia as well as many other justices.

Chrissy Maldonado

She is the birthmother in this situation.  She worked at an Osage Casino.  She is also a noncustodial mother who has to pay child support to the paternal grandmother of her children.  She is said to have a very contentious and acrimonious relationship with the father of her first two children.  People wonder why she has lost custody.  I would garner a guess is that she is a classic alienator judging how she is in this case. As a former noncustodial mom myself, I do not support a woman who trash talks, alienates, and verbally abuses the father of her children.  She filed for her medical expenses to be paid by the state of Oklahoma which was never repaid back by the Capobiancos.  There are rumors of her receiving financial aid from the Capobiancos(approximately $10,000 to $40,000 which was not declared to the state of Oklahoma nor the IRS) exceeding the Oklahoma limit of $1,000 without court approval. She is an Oklahoma resident just like Dusten Brown.  Veronica was born in Oklahoma.  This case has jurisdiction in the state of Oklahoma.  After reading the court case,  the ICPC forms signed by Chrissy state that Veronica is Hispanic, not Cherokee which allowed the Capobiancos to remove Veronica out of state.  If this paperwork was properly annotated to reflect her Cherokee heritage, this child would be in the custody of her father long ago.  There seems to be some intent, both willfully and negligently, to deny Dusten access to his daughter plus deny his daughter her Cherokee heritage. There is a perpetuation of fraud and perjury running wild in this case.

Interesting enough as well, Chrissy has filed a lawsuit in federal courts to force Erik Holder to declare that parts of  the ICWA unconstitutional.  According to the lawsuit, Chrissy as well as other birthmothers state:

"But there is no federal interest,” the mothers stated, in halting a birth mother’s “state-law right to secure a fit and stable adoptive placement for her birth child and delegating that decision to a legal stranger (a tribe), on the basis of the child’s ancestry.”

 What Chrissy fails to understand is that no woman has the constitutional right to place her child for adoption just like no woman in this country has the right to an abortion.  She has the right to keep her pregnancy choices private but no absolute right to place a child for adoption nor have an abortion.  Even with that knowledge, there is no total anonymity either for her.  Once her daughter was born, there are two parents whose rights must be considered, the mother AND THE FATHER. 

Dusten Brown

Dusten is a registered member of the Cherokee Nation.  He is a decorated veteran of the Iraq War.  During all this time, he never spoke ill of the birthmother, Chrissy Maldonaldo, and the so called adopters, Matt and Melanie Capobiancos.  The agency and the Capobiancos waited until he was on lockdown with the military to terminate his rights.  He is a good, fit father who has the capability of raising his daughter.  He never intended to sign away his rights.  He has never used his military status to garner attention to his plight.  He never used his Native American status to garner attention to his plight.  He did what was right to protect his daughter from the media onslaught.  He kept her out of the media unlike the Capobiancos.  What people do not understand with the military, when you are on duty, you can't just get up and leave like you would with a regular job.  You have to get special permission from the military and your chain of command especially during a war time situation or on duty with the National Guard.

The Capobiancos, their lawyers, and their PR team, Trio Solutions began a media attack against Dusten Brown and his family.  They dissed his family and the Cherokee Nation.  They went on attack against a law that was put into place to protect all Native American nations and their families.  The ICWA was put into place to prevent the wholesale onslaught of forced adoptions by the United States.  Since 1869, the Indian Nations had been forced to relinquish their children until this law was passed in the seventies.  What people do not understand is that all declared Native American Nations are afforded sovereignty over their people, land, and laws.  While they may be a conquered nation, they are still a sovereign nation with its own laws concerning the children of their nation.  The ICWA supports that sovereignty. The United States does not have jurisdiction over the Native American nations in our country. Period. No more discussion.

Because the ICPC laws were circumvented by both the birthmother, the adoption agency, and the adoptive parents, this case needs to go back to Oklahoma to be decided.  South Carolina no longer has jurisdiction over this case.  This little girl belongs with her father.

Now that the judge in South Carolina has put down a gag order, maybe just maybe Dusten and his family will get some reprieve.  Maybe the Capobianco and Maldonaldo PR machine will stop.  Maybe the Christian Right will also stop and give this man a break.

Please sign this petition!

Govenor Perry Hates Texans

Governor Perry hates Texans especially if they are impoverished, people of color, female and children.   Rick Perry came out today saying that he and the Republican State Senate and House of Representatives are going to spend every single legislative day (total of 140 days) ending abortion in the great state of Texas. 

When is this idiot of a Governor going to be voted out of office?  Many ranch owners, farmers and other land owners should be the first ones to vote him out of office.  Why?  He cut 75% of funding for Texas volunteer fire departments during the worst fire season in the history of Texas.  He actually wanted the federal government to pay for the fire disasters according to many news reports.  He has failed land
owners and home owners all across Texas.  Human lives, pets, livestock and wild life was destroyed.  A beautiful part of Central Texas was destroyed while Governor Rick Perry was out politicking at Texans' expense no less for his failed presidential bid.  He spent more time worrying about politics than he did his own burning state.

Lets talk about education in the state of Texas.  We have the STAAR tests where fifty percent of students failed one or more portions of the test.  The state of Texas also slashed education by 5.4 billion dollars.  Students no longer have books to study from.  Many folks claim that with books on the internet, there is no need for textbooks in the public school systems.   When you go to college, you have to buy textbooks and read them.  High school students do not learn how to research a book for a research paper.  There are fewer buses to run to keep children protected.  Katy ISD has had several stranger danger alerts since school has began.  So many schools are teaching the tests instead of teaching concepts in order for their students to understand the tests.  I don't mind as a parent helping my daughters understand concepts but what about parents who both have to work and don't have time to help their kids understand these concepts?

What about healthcare?  I am a disabled veteran.  I can't afford healthcare on my own because I can't get the Veterans Affairs Administration to expedite my compensation claim.  My ex husband is having a hard time with finding good quality work that will give him benefits.  Many times employers provide insurance at a HUGE cost to its employees.  Our governor is refusing to even give a health exchange a chance to work.  Our governor is refusing to accept additional medicaid funds to help poor folks like me for myself and my children.  I am not the only one.  If I didn't have the VA medical system (It is an issue all its own and worthy of its own blog post several times over), I would have nothing.  In fact, more than likely my daughters would have lost both of their parents.   Governor Rick Perry is not about parents, children, or families. He isn't about the human condition.  He is not about humanity.  He is not about a living wage in which families can support their children.  He is not about decent healthcare or education.  He is about selling the soul of Texas to the highest bidder. 

Instead of facing serious economic issues, health care, jobs, education, and public safety, he and the legislative branch of Texas wants to fight abortion every single day of its 140 legislative session.  Wow!  I never realized that women were such a threat to the state of Texas. How can these folks even call themselves Christians?  They are against everything our Lord Jesus Christ stood for.  Hypocrisy never ceases to amaze me in the state of Texas. 

Gaming and Misogyny

I gotta love Facebook  My friends come up with some seriously good articles.  I have also liked pages like the Huffington Post, AlterNet, and now Upworthy.   These pages bring forth some seriously tough topics.  Sometimes they sugar coat the topic such as adoption, adoptees, and issues surrounding their families.  Being an adult adoptee, it is a subject that I feel needs massive reform starting with opening birth certificates to adoptees and their families.  There are, however, deeper issues that result from this topic.  It may be semantics to the pro life movement.  Women do have a choice when it comes to their bodies.  There is no single person who is pro death or pro abortion.  I personally believe that both adoption and abortion are tools used to diminish women and their God given role as life giver.  I am not one to fight against the rights and responsibilities of women and their choices.  These decisions are made by women every day according to their circumstances. I may not agree with their choices but I back them with my very life.  I am also a Gulf War/Desert Storm veteran. 

Sometimes I think that we have moved forward in regards to domestic violence and womens' issues.  I sadly come across this Upworthy Video about female characters in video games.  Anita Sarkeesian wanted to change those characters so that women in general would not be so sexualized.  Considering my children play video games, I would like female characters to be normal women, instead of hypersexed visuals for the male fantasy. I don't know a single female veteran who is a hypersexed woman.  This is not what war is like.  Women don't go around in a war time situation with their boobs busting out carrying a M-16.  It just doesn't happen.  BDUs are not sexy clothing for men or women.  You can check out Anita's video blogs yourself

The Huffington Post wrote about her and her project.  You can also follow the links as well.  I find it interesting that when men disagree with a woman's issue, men say that she needs to get laid or worse.  It really is shocking.  Would you say this stuff if she were your sister, your mother, your daughter or your wife?  I believe that men and women are different.  God did not intend for women to be treated so badly.  That is on man and man alone.  Men through out time have perverted the meaning of submission.  A woman needs to feel safe.  She needs to be able to trust.  This video games do NOT encourage that.  Why should I as a woman trust a man who plays these kinds of video games with who I am as a woman?  That is what this comes down to. 

Commentary on Kansas Anti-abortion SB 313

Although I am anti-abortion and anti-adoption, I will not come out to actively fight against either one of them.  They serve a purpose.  I believe that abortion decision should be left between a woman, her doctor, and God.  I refuse to judge women and men involved in the nightmare of making this kind of decision.  Just like I refuse to come out against homosexuality.  Why?  I am not God.  I am not here to judge.  I believe that my sins are just as bad as homosexuality and abortion.  None of these sins are worse than the other in the eyes of God.  They are all equal in his eyes. 

After reading the Kansas anti abortion bill SB 313, it was a long bill and often very vague.  There are many concerns that I have with this bill.  It removes the Hippocratic Oath of doctors.  In recent years, conscientious objection laws in regard to abortion have been enacted and passed.  Sadly these laws are being used in other situations other than abortion.  This is my concern with SB 313. 

My sister had a situation where it could have killed her youngest daughter, Super Character Girl.  She went to the hospital in labor.  The nurse tried to send her home.  My sister knew something was wrong.  She said no.  The nurse told her to go home.  She then requested her doctor and pediatrician who specializes with her situation.  The doctor and the pediatrician both agreed that Super Character Girl needed to come out.  The nurse objected to giving care for God knows what reasons.  If they hadn't done the procedure, Super Character Girl would have never been born alive.  These types of laws along with SB 313 give too much influence that allow medical malpractice to occur.    They allow bad doctors to continue practicing bad medicine without  any ramifications.  You have issues such as preclampsia which affect a woman's health.  I have known many a woman who had this disease process that made a woman mentally and physically ill.  Sometimes it is misdiagnosed.  I knew a woman who lost her life as a result.  This situation occurred in the Army overseas in Germany.

Some serious points of concern with this type of bill:

• It creates a personhood law which outlaws in vitro fertilization and birth control pills.  Birth control pills are often used to other female health issues.
• No one that performs abortion can provide counseling to a woman.  They can't even provide sexual education in schools or other state agencies.  No federal and state monies can be given to abortion providers who provide other health care services.  A religious official is authorized to be one of those counseling the pregnant woman even if they have no degree in counseling.  (Read a total and complete ban on Planned Parenthood)
• No state employee can perform an abortion during work hours. 
• Both the father and the parents of a pregnant woman can sue a doctor for performing an abortion when they were not informed of the decision.  (Read Planned Parenthood again).
• The woman, her abortion provider, and her employer who has an abortion rider on an insurance policy will all be taxed.  No tax credit will be provided for any of these. 
• The bill repeatedly states that there is no right to an abortion.  
• A woman can not have an abortion based on the sex of the fetus.  
• If any part of this law is found unconstitutional, the remainder of the law will stand.
• If the fetus is viable, it requires two doctors not associated with each other to sign off on this.  
• The only restriction for a viable fetus to be aborted is if the woman has a physical issue that would endanger her life.  There are no restrictions in regards to rape/incest or the mental health of the mother.  So if the preclampsia is missed, she will be forced to carry her child even if it results in the mother's death.  The doctor can not be sued for medical malpractice.  
• All abortions must be certified.  
• If a doctor withholds information regarding the fetus that might lead to abortion, he can't be sued unless it results in the woman's death.  That is only for wrongful death.  This situation leads to other issues that also related to the conscientious objection laws.  A woman could be bleeding out and she would  not be provided with care to protect her life if it leads to an abortion. 
• The bill includes extensive information regarding the week by week development of the fetus.
• If a woman decides to place a child and the father decides to parent, he must have provided for the pregnant woman during the last six months of her pregnancy.  So this bill even messes with a father's right to parent.  The law also pushes child support heavily on fathers along with adoption. So if a man didn't father this child, he could be subject to child support without proving he is the biological father.  
• The pregnant women is required to be told about breast cancer risks and loss of future children.  These studies have been disproved time and time again.  Just as there are mental health risks for abortion, adoption risks are not mentioned ever.  That mothers long for their children over the years.  

The medical profession is deprived of its responsibilities toward women.  Women are treated as incompetent and ignorant in regards to decisions on their own bodies.  Yet these legislators think that there is no war on women.  YEA RIGHT!